But talk to whom?
My only bestie ever from the first grade of elementary school just got married last month. I knew that even things would not get that different; it would eventually.
Yeah, I have already reached that age when all my friends are already reaching a different path in their lives, like climbing the career ladder, getting married, having kids, or even passing away. People have their own problems.
Even from such a young age, I am not that good at making friends or keeping friends. It is not bothering me at all — maybe until now. There is a part of life that you cannot tell or talk to anyone, even the closest one. For my partner (yes, you Sufi), you are the exception. I learned a lot from him to scream my heart out.
But I am counting the days until I am moving across the globe, and having a friend would be really helpful in my transition. But who will understand, right? People always think I am the lucky one, but what is behind those walls? The real struggles.
A few months ago, I asked one of the alumni of the program that I selected a few years ago about this transition. Because in this case, people who have been in the same situation are the only ones who understand. She said, It will not be easy, you need to learn about different systems and everything. When you know your whole life is different than that. Some of her friends need a mental health practitioner to get through this phase. I hope I will not be one of them.
You know the feeling of excitement, but also the worry? It is not going to be the same as being a solo traveler. You know that you will get back home. But what is the definition of home now? I carried it every day with me. I can never win. I need to choose.
But I know I will be okay, I just need to yapp. Also… not to explain things in detail. That is for now.
- Reupload from my Medium (Nov 20th 2025).
