Secret Animosity
They said "you will find your own people", and I believe that.
That is why I do not get bothered when I only have small circle, and I can count less than five people are my realest friends.
As I am growing older I do not know why I feel some of my--was--closest friends sees me as a threat. I can smell the jealousy or when people try to be a secret animosity. Like frenemies.
To be honest, I do not really care. It is just weird to me because I never make anything that I did as a competition. It makes the friendship not pure, and what we are trying to compete, anyway?
We have different life. If you see I got lucky a lot and got what I want, it is simply just because I tried hard and prayed to God. I will always be that girl that needs to run a mile to get what I want--when other people can walk or even just blink to achieve whatever they want.
So, still, I find it weird, when people see me as a competition. Some nights, at 25 years old, I still thinking, "are we still friends? why you treat me like a shit?"
And I think that is the stupid question to ask. And yet, I still feel the weird vibes for some of the people.
Okay fine you cannot maintain the friendship, but hell no, different people different treatment. Weird.
Can we just hangout, talk, without ulterior motives? I do not know, and whatever. I am happy with one and two of my closest friends. And I think that is enough.
As you grow older, everything gets too complex, and weird.
02/25/2025
