I talked about it, until I don't

Do you ever just woke up one day and realized that you don't ever think about something that bother you for a long time?

I do.

I just laugh like it was a joke. I just smile like it just something stupid. 

"How could I?" I ask myself. Why I always thought to do something differently, act and say in different way, but the thing is this is what it is.

But the most important thing is I survived. Maybe I just run out of words. Maybe I just out of ink to write about it. I just woke up and feel done. Maybe I just tired to talk about it because it's not important anymore.

It's past now, I live in present.

You may now what am I talking about

19:45 PM / 21-02-2022

Emotional Abuse

 "You should try to learn how to smile," he said

and I was like, "Okay.."

"Look I have a perfect smile." That's fact, everybody knows. 

"You can not go out with your friends,"

"But they are my bestfriend from Junior High School,"

"Good, do whatever you want."

"Your heart is not in accordance with your hijab, stupid, pinhead, b-tch."

"You do not understand me--like my friend,"

"When he barely knows you for 6 years, and we've only known for 2 months,"

"Still, it does not matter how long we knew each others."

"I won't trust girls anymore if I break up with you,"

And one week after we broke up, you bring new girl like a trophy just to let me down.

"You're too deep into your mental illness,"

"You are who mentally ill. My feelings still valid."

These are just a few examples of conversations of being in an unhealthy relationship. Love yourself first, ladies. (09:13 AM / 18-02-2022)

Selamat Menguntit

Tau apa yang menghibur?

Ketika kamu berusaha keras memblokade kehadiranku di hidupmu, tapi pacar barumu berusaha menguntitku. Terasa seperti kemenangan telak.

Salam kenal wanita baru, sini duduk sebentar, akan ku coba ceritakan versiku karena ku yakin dia sudah memberitahumu cerita versinya. 

Ku buka semua akses media sosialku, agar kamu puas membanding-bandingkan dirimu dengan diriku. Ini bukan kompetisi, namun,

"Lari, sebelum terlambat," bisikku padamu di akhir percakapan. 

- Mantanku 2, Ini Buat Kedua Cewek Barunya (03:17 PM 14/02/2022)

Andai saja aku pemaaf

Kalau apa yang kamu unggah menyakitiku, aku lebih baik tidak tahu.

Aku lebih baik diam merindu walau tidak tahu apa yang kamu lakukan. Aku lebih baik tidak tahu kemana dan dengan siapa kamu menghabiskan harimu.

Panggil aku si keras kepala tapi hanya itu yang bisa aku lakukan untuk merekatkan sesuatu yang patah.

Kemana kamu ketika aku hancur?

Tentu kamu memilih pergi. Seolah kata maaf bisa menyembuhkan luka. Seolah kata maaf bisa mengembalikanku seperti semula. Seolah kata maaf membereskan semua permasalahan yang ada. 

Andai saja aku pemaaf.

- Sial, orang yang berbeda, inti cerita yang sama (9 Mei 2019)

We are on the same page

 If you still thinking about me when you hear about several songs;

If you are still avoiding some places and remembering us;

If you are still have my words in your thoughts;

If you still hate remembering every detail on us;

Baby, I am sorry we are on the same page.

I know you try your hardest not to sing that song;

I know you try to make a U-turn just to avoid that road;

I know you try to kill me in your thoughts;

Baby I know, because we both try to open new page--in different books.

Yeah, let's burn the old one and find another books that have the happy ending.

- I think about you a lot, even if I don't want to (22:15 PM 13/02/2022)

You Hate This Poem

Pacaran sama kamu dua bulan, kayak pakai sepatu kekecilan

Selain lecet, yang didapet cuman rasa gak nyaman

Intinya emang gak pas aja, tapi kamu coba terus sampe diputusin 6x percobaan

Makasih udah nganterin ke rumah sakit, tapi ku rasa kamu yang butuh pengobatan

Gadis barumu cantik, tapi kamu yakin dia tahan sama kamu sampai kapan?

Semoga hidup liarmu itu terus menyenangkan, walau kamu tau itu gak ada arah tujuan.

- Orangnya udah baca ini, dia bilang ini caci maki. Peduli setan, ini seni.